I knew the call was coming, just didn't know when or where I would be. Driving on 495 headed to Costco to get gas, like I have done a dozen times (this time was so different). The radiologist that conducted my sonogram and my "double" biopsy called. For the past 30+ hours, I have definitely not been a Debbie Downer. Now back to the call -
Dr: "How are you"?
Me: "Good"
Dr: You seem to be doing great
Me:
Dr: "Are you driving?"
Me: "Yes"
Dr: "I don't like to give biopsy information while patients are driving"
Me: I understand, currently pulling over, I'm now in my garage" (Which complete lie, I was in a parking lot off of New Hampshire - there was no way I was going to have her call me back. I was fighting the urge to scream "SERIOUSLY THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS GREAT NEWS, GET IT OVER ALREADY)
She then proceeds to tell me the God awful news that everyone dreads, that the two biopsies were positive for breast cancer. Oh, and someone else was going to call me back with more information. I think this process would be a bit more efficient if they had one person give you all of the information at one time.
Next, I'm told that sometime next week I will have to meet with a TEAM of doctors that will look at my case and then present my case to me (sounds fancy). She encourages me to bring someone with me, for an extra set of ears (I will be receiving a lot of information).
Now I'm starting to feel sad. Not sad for me, but for my husband. I feels so bad for him, he's going to take time off (you know to go with me to appointments). He told me I don't ask enough questions... so he has to be there, not to mention he is the most amazing husband so there is no way he would not be present. Back to my feelings, he has already been through this with his mother... now me. He doesn't deserve this extra stress.
Then there's my dad, he just experienced the same this with his wife. There is no way I can tell him until I know more information.
How do I feel? Like damn, what is the likelihood to be diagnosed for breast cancer during breast cancer awareness month? Like, I don't want people to look at me with sad eyes. Like I don't want to be a statistic? Like, how do I tell my husband? Like, how do explain to my three year-old that I'm sick?
Oh the sad eyes - you know the look everyone gives you when they feel sorry for you. I say if I'm not crying you don't get to either.
